“Listen, don't misunderstand me. I could be president. Easily, because I'm a winner. I win everything. But I don't need to be president because McDonald's serves breakfast all day long now."
Four months ago, 22-year-old Eric Miller graduated from Coe College in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. He received a degree in marketing with a minor in political science. His parents could not have been more overjoyed by their son’s long awaited achievement. “Except now," Eric says, "It’s like they’ve gone cold-turkey off some crazy drug. They’re coming down; and they’re coming down fast and hard.”
STEEL RIVER, MO — Following the recent discovery of cannabis residue on pipes allegedly belonging to William Shakespeare, a Missouri high school district has moved to eliminate the works of Shakespeare from its English curriculum.
The skies seemed to darken as lightning flashed in the sky above Seville, Spain, while unearthly forces beyond human comprehension worked to bring one controversial historical figure back to life so that he could once and for all set the record straight.
Addressing an audience of starved and bullet-ridden refugees from Central Africa and the Middle East, an esteemed panel of entrepreneurs and technologists has boldly declared artificial intelligence the “number one existential threat to humanity’s survival.”
Today, the United Nations Human Rights Committee released plans to begin funding an organization that would help anti-LGBT activists to come to terms with their identity and convert and adjust to a ‘normal’ lifestyle of compassion, sympathy, and tolerance.
Emboldened By Stephanie Meyer, George R. R. Martin Begins Writing Gender-Swapped Versions of Game of Thrones
“I'm never going to finish these books, so why not?” said George R. R. Martin, author of the popular book series A Song of Ice and Fire, after sources reported that he had begun rewriting his books and switching the genders of every character. “I've often heard that there's too much violence against women in these books. Therefore I'm going to make everyone happy, switch all the genders around, but keep the story and the names the same. It might make my books marginally easier to stomach.”