"You have guys willing to cram themselves into tiny cars even though there isn't nearly enough room for them all. That flies in the face of science."
“I see you guys have a couple coffee tables, that’s good,” muttered Brown as you showed him around the place. “Plenty of window sills, kitchen counter space, hardwood floors, this is really excellent guys..."
The glock Tom Kennedy carries in a shoulder holster allows him to confidently escalate arguments that might normally be solved diplomatically, knowing that he could at any time kill the person he is arguing with.
Straight White Male: “You Just Don’t Understand, This Would All Be So Much Easier if I Was a Woman, or Gay”
Citing the struggle of being an average, poor straight male in America as the root cause of all the problems in his life, Jackson native Duncan “Dunkster” Reynolds stated that most of life's difficulties would be resolved if he was instead a member of a marginalized group.
To broaden its appeal among millennials, Eberhart Mortuary and Crematory of Tulsa, Oklahoma has started offering funeral services based on popular internet trends. Themes include “Only 90s Kids Will Get This Funeral,” “A Reference Everyone Knows and Then Suddenly John Cena: the Funeral,” and a dramatization of a fanfiction written about Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson getting married over the body of the deceased.
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly five million Americans work as retail sales associates, with that number expected to rise as the holidays grow nearer. To many, working retail means facing the gauntlet of providing uniformly-excellent customer service, but for Portland resident Tammy Darnell, customer service provides her a paycheck, and a little something extra.
Line chef Miguel Marquez was initially pleased to learn that his new coworker was a fluent Spanish speaker.
“I’ve created a real life fight club. We meet every Wednesday night at 9 in my garage,” said Berkeley native, douchebag David Kent.
TOPEKA, KS — With the growth of blogging platform sites like WordPress and Squarespace, it is easier than ever for casual internet users to start blogs. While many bloggers are content to keep their blogs limited to personal pursuits, Jonah Williams, Topeka resident and proprietor of the blog World Change Now, claims his blog is a platform for launching worldwide revolutions. “My blog posts transcend borders, societies, cultures,” said Williams, while sipping a Fresca and listening to Korn.
“I thought my costume would throw people off the scent. Seems like every other person on Capitol Hill is one of the Village People tonight. They’ll never know I’m the real deal.”